I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
