he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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