8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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