Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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