just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
