Umm I'm too high to move.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
