Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
