wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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