Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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