i wish my penis had a tongue
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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