Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
