I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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