I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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