i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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