Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is it penis luge time yet?
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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