so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
