I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
