They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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