Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
