She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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