just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
