I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize