she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
