Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
