ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
