dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
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He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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