i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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