R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
