Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
