it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
