i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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