I hate all girls vehemently.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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