i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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