hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
