Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
