do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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