I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
