I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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