You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
