is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize