does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
