1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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