Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You need a sexual gate keeper
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
