Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
