I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
