help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize