he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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