the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
