woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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