It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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