Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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