god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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