Say something about gay babies.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
