He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
