before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
