I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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