Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
