I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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