how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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