Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
