so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
