i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
