So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize