Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
