So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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