If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?