i was born a porn star she said
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem