Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.