in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
