Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i was born a porn star she said

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(248): View more from Michigan

so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it

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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(515): View more from Iowa

trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"

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(360): View more from Washington

I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem

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