I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
