P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
